Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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