fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
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Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
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Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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