thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
