i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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