some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
