My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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