At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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