how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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