Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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