I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
