You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
