I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
