Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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