There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
