I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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