between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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