when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize
