i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
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i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
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I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
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