shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize