never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
