had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
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you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
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They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it