Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.

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(248): They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking. http://tfl.nu/97aw

Replies (9) Good night (684) Bad night (2417)
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(571): View more from Virginia

capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.

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(571): capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid. http://tfl.nu/gx7i

Replies (9) Good night (3860) Bad night (697)
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(404): View more from Georgia

there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his

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(404): there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his http://tfl.nu/p9g4

Replies (45) Good night (841) Bad night (6293)
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(281): View more from Texas

I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.

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(281): I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover. http://tfl.nu/wpfj

Replies (13) Good night (3249) Bad night (945)
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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged

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(814): when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged http://tfl.nu/78pb

Replies (16) Good night (4916) Bad night (2969)
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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.

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(306): Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's. http://tfl.nu/a874

Replies (6) Good night (2962) Bad night (707)
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(650): View more from California

lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses

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(650): lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses http://tfl.nu/4rg9

Replies (12) Good night (1323) Bad night (805)
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(212): View more from New York

When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.

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(212): When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too. http://tfl.nu/4mqk

Replies (3) Good night (1225) Bad night (565)
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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.

(281): View more from Texas

That does show growth.

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(832): This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex. (281): That does show growth. http://tfl.nu/3swa

Replies (1) Good night (1038) Bad night (546)
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(313): View more from Michigan

Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.

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(313): Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers. http://tfl.nu/6tbn

Replies (2) Good night (450) Bad night (854)
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(207): View more from Maine

I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.

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(207): I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud. http://tfl.nu/5qge

Replies (3) Good night (996) Bad night (453)
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(410): View more from Maryland

Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.

(443): View more from Maryland

*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for

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(410): Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something. (443): *jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for http://tfl.nu/ud0q

Replies (4) Good night (1603) Bad night (584)
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(928): View more from Arizona

Just trying to get my dicks in a row.

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(928): Just trying to get my dicks in a row. http://tfl.nu/3g9d

Replies (2) Good night (847) Bad night (382)
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(773): View more from Illinois

I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.

(810): View more from Michigan

family traditions my good sir

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(773): I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel. (810): family traditions my good sir http://tfl.nu/vuky

Replies (7) Good night (756) Bad night (1192)
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(619): View more from California

I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.

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(619): I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain. http://tfl.nu/lmb6

Replies (1) Good night (464) Bad night (635)

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