Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
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...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.