bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
