someone threw a dead crab at me
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
