But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
