Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize