Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
