Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
