It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
