The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
