Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
And then the night went full on bisexual.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
