It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
