I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
