Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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