I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
