im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
