There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
