I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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