there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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