I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
