Apparently you make a good broom.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
