Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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