he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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