Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
You can't just leave with hair like that
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Randomize
