I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
