matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
