you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
