god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I wish there were birth control emojis
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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