Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
You are the jesus of drinking
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
