She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
