We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
