Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
