best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Hello my rib-scented angel!
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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