I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
