I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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