the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
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Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
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