I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
her vagine was all disorganized.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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