youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
There's even glitter on my cock...
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