its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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