Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
