do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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