Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
