biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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