Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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