If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
