He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
