He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
