wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Randomize
