Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Randomize
