She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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