thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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