I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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