how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
