literally had 100 drinks last night.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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