im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
