I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
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