Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
