youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
he puts the penis in happiness.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
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Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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