She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
