I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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