Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
