but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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