I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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