A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
