I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
It's never too late to be topless.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
