do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I think my fart just growled at me.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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