Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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